Her Issues
by billys-green-soup
Summary: There is a new kid in the Cul-de-sac. Ed's cousin Fred, who's been expelled from her last school. Double D is concerned about it, but no one else seems to care. But everyone's noticed that she's a maniac and Fred has taken a liking to Rolf. T for safety


It occurred to me after I wrote most of this that it kind of seems like she and Double D will eventually start something. They won't, but I'm too lazy to change it. I like it this way. So shut up.

Disclaimer: I own nothing of this, except for Fred. She is my puppet. BWAHAHAHAHA!

* * *

Eddy and Double D stared at Ed as he ran frantically around his house, picking things up and then dropping them in other, random places, only to pick them up again and repeat the process.

"What is Ed doing?" Double D asked, concerned.

Eddy shrugged. "Dunno. He was doing this when I got here." Double D wrung his hands for a moment before he chanced a tap on his friend's shoulder.

"FRED IS COMING TO-DAY!" Ed shrieked, throwing the contents of his arms into the air and all over his friends.

Eddy and Double D exchanged a glance once they were free of the things. As Ed gathered them all back up once more, Eddy asked, "Who the Hell is Fred?"

"Eddy, please! Language!"

Ed dropped everything on his bed and threw the blanket over it all and nodded with an air of finality. Then he looked up at his friends. "You know my aunt with all the cats? Well, my cousin Fred got expelled from school and now has to come live with me and Sarah! FRED IS COMING!"

"FOR CHRISSAKE, ED, SHUT UP! WE KNOW!" Sarah screeched from up the stairs.

Ed straightened his glasses and stared at his friends. "Should I make toast for when Fred gets here?"

Eddy shook his head. "No, Ed, you shouldn't. Remember? You blew up your toaster three days ago. You can't make toast for anyone. Right Dou- Double D?"

Double D had a peculiar look on his face. He was staring at the wall, pure horror etched into his face as he wrung his hands. "D-Did you say your cousin Fred got EXPELLED?"

Ed grinned. "Yup! Fred got expelled." From above, the doorbell rang, calling their attention. "FRED!" Ed screamed, launching himself across the room and up the stairs.

Double D caught Eddy's sleeve. "What do you think Fred got expelled for?" he asked shakily.

Eddy shrugged and looked at the ceiling thoughtfully. "Public nudity? C'mon, it's Ed's cousin." Laughing quietly, he headed up the stairs after Ed. Double D stood trembling in Ed's room for a few moments before scampering after Ed and Eddy.

"Hey Lumpy! Where is he supposed to stay? Is this Fred character sharin' a room with you or what?"

Behind him, Sarah scoffed as she descended the stairs. She narrowed her eyes at Eddy. "You're so stupid. Freddie is sharing a room with me."

Ed grinned from behind the large armful of stuff he held. "Eddy, Double D, this is Fred!"

As Ed moved, Eddy and Double D caught sight of a pair of legs carrying a too many boxes. The hands holding them had black fingernails and wore a plethora of black bangles and the boxes were piled too high for them to see Fred really at all. As far as they knew, Fred was wearing baggy pants and had a long, chartreuse ponytail off to one side, along with large, mean looking boots. Ed set down his boxes on the living room floor and took a few of Fred's, revealing a girl's face and body.

"Fred is a girl?" Double D muttered. Eddy shrugged.

"Hiya!" she said, grinning her purple lips widely. "I'm Fred Jumper!" One hand shot forward toward them and Eddy took it cautiously, shaking it. She was pretty enough, but a little strange looking with an off-the-shoulder orange shirt and her black straps showing beneath. She extended the hand to Double D next and he hesitated. "Oh, right, you're must be Double D! You're a germ-o-phobe, right? Sorry!" She grinned again.

Double D was concluding that she was expelled for drugs. She was a little too hyper...

"C'mon, Fred," Sarah said. "I moved my stuff to one side of the room. You can come up and set your stuff up. Ed! Don't just stand there like an idiot! Help Fred! You too Eddy! Don't just stand there in the way!" She looked at Double D and lowered her lashes. "You can help too, if you want, Double D."

Fred giggled and headed up the stairs to her new room.

"Ed, what was your cousin- Oof!" Double D cut short as a few heavy boxes were dropped into his arms by his tall friend. Ed grinned ever wider as he ran up the stairs, carrying way too many precariously stacked boxes. With a small groan, Double D headed up after them.

Eddy sighed and picked up the remaining few boxes and mounted the stairs himself. A whole day lost to unpacking... Lame. But as soon as his boxes hit the floor, an orange and green blur shot past him and down the stairs, yelling, "ED! RUN!"

Double D had time to ask, "What" before, guffawing, Ed grabbed him up and carried him down the stairs and out the door behind Fred. Eddy smirked and followed his friends and the newest addition to the cul-de-sac out the door. Behind him, up the stairs, he heard Sarah scream, "FRED YOU CAN'T JUST LEAVE THIS HERE!"

When Eddy passed through the door, held by the excited girl, she stuck her head back through it and yelled back, "Don't worry, Sarah, I'll be back later!" Then she slammed it and ran. "Sarah is gonna kill me! Run!" she called behind her. Laughing, Ed and Eddy joined her. Only when he heard Sarah thundering down the stairs did Double D follow as well. They didn't stop until they'd reached the creek. Laughing and panting, they sank to the ground and Fred let out an excited hoot. She looked up and back at Ed, asking, "so you gonna show me around your 'hood or what, Ed-face?"

Ed sat bolt upright and grinned his stupid-looking grin, then straightened his glasses once more. "Where to first, Eddy?" he asked, looking to his leader for direction as always.

Eddy panted for a moment longer. Ed had always been fast and, apparently, Fred was fast too. It was work to keep up with those two, especially for that long. "Start with the most important, of course, Ed. The junkyard."

"Right, Eddy!" Ed hopped up and Fred joined him. So was she full of energy all the time like her cousin? Eddy was beginning to fear that the likeness might run deeper than that. Was Fred's brain effected by this as well? Ed grabbed Eddy by the upper arms and set him on his feet, grinning dumbly. "Thanks, Lumpy."

Fred walked over to Double D, and, having forgotten that he had refused to shake her hand, grabbed his arm in a fireman's grip and yanked him up. Double D was launched up unceremoniously and nearly toppled over forward. "Woops, sorry. You must not've been ready. C'mon, guys!" Fred either ignored or didn't notice Double D quiver and wipe his hand on his shirt.

* * *

"...and this is our ride. It's not quite done yet, but, you know, it will be..." Eddy trailed off under Fred's stare.

She raised an eyebrow. "Do any of you know how to fix a car?" Fred had calmed down some after a long walk in the junkyard, the Eds showing her all of the neat stuff that had accumulated over the years. When Ed asked her if she was getting sleepy now, she shook her head and told him that she just needed another soda and some candy and she'd be fine.

"Well, no..." Eddy admitted.

Fred rolled her eyes and glanced at Double D. "Hey, smarty-hat, don't you know anything about cars?"

Double D glanced around. "M-m-me?" He was a little shocked. Why would he? "Actually... I do. I read six or seven books over the summer. I ran out of things to read at the libr...ar...y..." Double D shrank under the gazes of Eddy and Fred. (Ed was slightly distracted with laughing at a smudge that was impairing his vision.) Eddy seemed to be torn between shock, awe, and anger. Fred's was a little smug and glad..

"Called it," Fred said simply, raising a hand.

Eddy's face was turning purple. "YOU WHAT, SOCKHEAD?!" His eyes were getting that crazy look in them... "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU! YOU MEAN ALL THIS TIME?!"

Double D shrank under his anger and was just closing his eyes and curling down when the shadow passed over his body. He was ready for getting smacked a bit...

"Now, come on, Eddy," Fred's voice argued. Double D looked up to see that the _criminal _was... blocking Eddy's path? "He's a little too valuable for that sort of thing then, isn't he?" She turned back and winked at him over her shoulder and tossed him a friendly smile. Oh, so now he was a commodity, was he? So she must have been expelled for human trafficking then...

Eddy seemed to chew over this new thought, then grunted his agreement. Ed grinned and pulled Double D to his feet.

"Okay, what's next?" Fred asked, stretching. "After I go get a snack though, of course. There must be more around this place to see than just a junkyard."

Eddy kicked the curb, agitated. "We don't have time to show you around! We gotta get our new ride fixed!" He rounded on Double D and glared at him. "Right, Double D?" Double D cowered for a moment, then nodded.

Fred narrowed her eyes at Eddy. She spun on her heel to Ed and tugged on his sleeve. "Ed, will you show me around? Or are you gonna make me go by myself?"

Eddy grabbed Ed's sleeve. "No way, Lumpy is ours. What if there's heavy lifting?"

Fred yanked her cousin back aggressively. "You've got plenty of bulk there. You don't need Ed. _I, _on the other hand, do!"

"I'm not getting grease all over my clothes! No one will even notice on Ed's clothes, though, so he's staying!"

"Ed!" she shouted. He jumped about a foot in the air and looked at her like a hurt puppy. "Are you gonna stay here and make me go by myself or are you gonna come with me?"

Ed glanced back and forth for a moment, torn between his friends and his favorite cousin. "But... But... Eddy, what should I do?"

"Stay."

"NO FAIR! Ed, you have to- FINE! See if I care!" Fred turned around angrily and stomped off toward Ed's house to replenish her blood-sugar supply.

Ed, still looking like a hurt puppy, took a few steps and called after her, "I'll show you later, okay Fred?"

Fred turned around for a moment on the step and stuck her tongue out at the boys, then slammed the front door loudly. From inside, they heard Sarah yell, "ED, QUIT SLAMMING THE DOOR!"

Ed turned back to Eddy and Double D, looking nearly to tears. "Do you think Fred will forgive me, Eddy?"

Eddy waved a hand at the question. "She's a girl. She's just grouchy 'cause she's on her period. She'll be fine, Ed. Now, come on, Sock-head. We got a car to fix."

* * *

Okay, it may not be the very best opening, but it's really just to introduce Fred as a character to the cul-de-sac. Real stuff will probably start in hte next chap. yay! and, as always, you get tacos in exchange for reviews, BUT! Since this is an EEnE story, I'm offering a one-time-only oppurtunity for Buttered Toast, Gravy, and Jawbreakers! Get it while it's hot folks!


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